Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
