totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
