they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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