this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you win again, gameday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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