im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had sex on a roof
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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