but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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