I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
