i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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