That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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