Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize