Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
