i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
