He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
