Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
