If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
