so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
did i just pee glitter
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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