WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
