I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
