you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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