and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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