It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
