Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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