is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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