Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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