is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it hurts more in the daytime
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
