I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
