there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
