Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
God, I missed his penis.
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