How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so let's talk penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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