Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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