I think I died a long time ago.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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