I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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