Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
