I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.