I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.