I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes