im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies