i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We are all done wearing pants today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.