Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...