fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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