I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I will pee on everything he values.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
