you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
