I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
