i think i have two assholes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
