This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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