I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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