you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
