you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
