Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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