If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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