I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
