I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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