Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
