Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
