I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
