I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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