i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I want is dick and wine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
