just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
