There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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