nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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