My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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